LIVE, CNN NEWS ANCHOR:
Stated plans by tha’ Kang and Queen to place their “own bodies” between “bad vigilantes and good refugees” have caused an apparent run on hotel and motel bookings. Toll roads all over the country (America) are reporting massive intake profits. Also, sales in gun shops, archery outlets, cream pies, and rotten tomatoes have surged.
Overtaken during her bi-daily jog from DC to Philly, USA CongressPerson, Socialist, Ms. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, had this to say, (without even breathing hard):
“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”
Reporter Jim Acosta tried to take the microphone away from Ms Ocasio-Cortez, and seemed to almost shout:
“For God’s sake, woman, this isn‘t about your hotel! It’s about tha’ Kang and Queen! It’s a tragedy. It’s…just…a tragedy. A tragedy. Shots might ring out! Ring out! RING!”
USA CongressPerson, Ms. Nancy Pelosi, (Net Worth $140 MILLION ) was on hand, accompanied by His Holiness The Pope. She was able to get her fist into Mr. Acosta’s mouth, and pin him against a lunch truck, while Francis washed and kissed Mr. Acosta’s feet.
Speaker Of The House, Ms. Nancy Pelosi, set aside Mr. Acosta, her walker and cane, turned to the cameras—one eye fluttering with fervor—and said:
“Thank you Señorita Ocasio-Cortez, my sistah Puerto Rican—Puertorriqueño . Thank you Señor Acosta, my fellow-Cubano. Your concerns about an out-of-control, evil, insane, murderous, gay-and-black-hating, Donald H.—for ‘Hater’ Trump are noted by the Democrat Good American majority.
“As you know, I’m Jewish, on my great-great-great-great-grandmother’s side, but will never let that come between my Good Palestinian genes, and my Muslim constituents and me.
“I’m sure this is a looming constitutional crisis caused by ‘The Hater,’ which only the Good Democrat Party can handle. But we will do it well, with compassion, freedom, economy, and equality for everyone. And with that I also say, ‘Yay, die Demokratische Partei! Huzzah, die Demokraten! Und WOW, Nancy Pelosi!’ And that’s what I say!”
NEWS ANCHOR SMILES
Now—through the hypnotioc magic of television—we take you across the Country (America) to a so-called, “Mexican border,” and leader of the Vigilantes—Colonel Chester “Cat Fish” McQuigan. Hello there, Colonel, can you hear me? What’s in store for tha’ kang and queen?
Excuse me Colonel—that’s “Heather,” Not “Meadow.”
I’m Heather Al-Acsqa Meadowbrook-Summerfallwinterspring, A certified Muslima, Native American, lesbian, transgender, disabled, Black Person of Couleur.”
”Okay, wellsir, iff’n that thar kang an’ queen show up down heer at tha’ boarder—why—mah boys and me down heer—we’ll take reel good god-dammed well frickin’ care of it, ah kin tell yew that! —Now kin ah have mah dam money y’all promised me? I gotta git back to mah tent over in San Fran’ afore some other homeless Democrat git it—or shit innit!”
BRUCE, CAN WE CUT THAT FEED? IT’S ON DELAY, RIGHT…?