BY JEFFREY A. FRIEDBERG
DEDICATED TO MY BELOVED UNCLE MAURICE, A STAND-UP GUY, WHO—OPENLY GAY IN 1938—WAS NEVER “IN THE CLOSET.”
From his Holy Seat atop the one-storey, 7-11 store in Portland, Oregon—Grand Mullah, Saint-Buttigieg, has issued to a breathless world his first fatwah.
(Married, President Saint-Buttigieg is sometimes referred to as, “First Lady Buttigieg.”)
In front of a cheering mob of Democrats and hysteric Media, Saint-Buttigieg’s first fatwah, decreed, “fisting, rimming, urine, feces, and any sexuality, shall henceforth be deemed free, the Law of the Land, and, also— required behavior….”
Several ecstatic Democrats, including actor Robert Duh Nero, charged out of the mob and hurled themselves off the roof of the one-stoey 7-11 in sacred attempts to commit holy suicide. This largely failed, leaving many broken, bleeding, and two paralyzed from the neck down.
However, nine media representatives succeeded in ripping out each others’ beating hearts and died, taking their profession with them.
Saint-Buttigieg immediately canonized the dead, on-the-spot, declaring that “human sacrifice is good—as in abortion—and aids all feeders of Vaal.”
A Republican shouted, “that’s a line from Star Trek—Season 2, Episode 5, THE APPLE! You lie about your god!” This terrorist was immediately removed by Government Enforcers and other important social warriors.
Surviving members of the press declared Saint-Buttigieg “a genius,” and “living saint—a god of morality, a man that shall go down….
An aging, 75 year old, Brit Hume was released and made Communications Chief, by Saint-President Pete Buttigieg. Brit Hume, having once-stated:
“I think Pete Buttigieg is the most impressive, by far, candidate in terms of raw political talent in the Democratic field, and he may be the most impressive candidate I’ve seen since the emergence of Barack Obama,” Hume said Monday on the Fox News Channel. “He is as fluid as he can be and he seems to have something to say about every issue. He seems comfortable on the big stage, articulate, even humorous.”
“…Hume [just an average guy] has…a net worth…around $14 million…..” —articlebio.com
Lately, strange “spinning sounds” have been reported coming from the grave of Brit Hume’s mentor, the great Jack Anderson (rarely mentioned, almost always covered up):
OH…AND, BTW— I DISCOVERED “NEW MEANING,” TO THE WORD, “GIEG”—AS IN BUTTIGIEG:
SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE 🙂